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The Gift of Failure

How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Audiobook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

In the tradition of Paul Tough's How Children Succeed and Wendy Mogel's The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, this groundbreaking manifesto focuses on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life's inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults.

Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report card disappointments, mastermind children's friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children's well being, they aren't giving them the chance to experience failure—or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems.

Overparenting has the potential to ruin a child's confidence and undermine their education, Lahey reminds us. Teachers don't just teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. They teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint, and foresight—important life skills children carry with them long after they leave the classroom.

Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children's failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential reading for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed.

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    • Library Journal

      August 1, 2015

      If your kid forgets his lunch, should you bring it to school for him? What about his homework? Should you intervene if your daughter's friends are leaving her out? These common scenarios usually send today's parents into fix-it mode, but according to educator Lahey, the best of intentions can be a disservice to children, depriving them of valuable lessons and halting their growing confidence. Here the author gives the would-be helicopter parent a look at the consequences of "protecting" children from failure and demonstrates how natural consequences help build resilient and autonomous kids. In short, "what feels good to us isn't always what is good for our children." VERDICT Lahey's conversational tone, combined with research and narratives from both children and parents, delivers in-depth insight into the value of mistakes. With chapters on specific age groups (middle schoolers and high schoolers) and hot-button issues, such as household chores, homework, and friendships, any parent who needs assistance reining in the supermom tendencies will find sound advice here.

      Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Kirkus

      May 15, 2015
      Reflections on the benefits of giving children the chance to experience failure-and how to go about doing it. A teacher and writer on education and parenting for the New York Times and the Atlantic, Lahey provides an overview of parenting values through the decades in order to ensure that we don't return to outdated values, as well as to examine the weaknesses of the current approach. This would, in theory, provide useful information toward a new paradigm, rather than simply lurching back toward the end of the spectrum that involves such actions as smacking students' hands with rulers when they are disrespectful. While certainly not advocating that approach, Lahey is also unwilling to turn a blind eye to the problems inherent in modern parenting, which she characterizes as essentially overridden by parents' concerns about securing the best possible everything for their children: experiences free of disappointment, a prize for every participant, making sure self-esteem, above all else, is maintained. The result, the author argues compellingly, is hobbling children, leaving them unable to develop actual self-understanding and competency in how to integrate the idea of failure into their lives. Lahey brings her own parenting to the table, dissecting her difficulties in practicing what she preaches. For example, when her son leaves for school without the homework he'd worked so hard on, and she sees it, should she bring it to him and save him from missing recess? The author admits her struggles with holding the line and letting natural consequences take their course. In the majority of the book, Lahey focuses on strategies for navigating the parent/child/school triangle to avoid getting entangled in controlling the experience, but she also considers home chores, peer relationships, and a variety of other topics. An important, thoughtfully balanced book aimed at shifting thinking and providing concrete steps toward encouraging positive-and realistic-self-image development.

      COPYRIGHT(2015) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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